We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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