Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
