i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize