Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
