Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
