I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
