I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
