Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
