everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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