you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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