turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The air was thick with penises
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
