Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
