I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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