I wish I could punch you in the face.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
