i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
