I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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