I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
