i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
