Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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