So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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