Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
