White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
