I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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