i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We have started to decorate penises.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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