If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
