Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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