fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There r osticjed everywhere
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
