im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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