Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
