I wish my penis had an off switch
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
