We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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