he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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