Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
