shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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