Christians are straight up FREAKS
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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