Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
