i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
