He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
