The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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