what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
