it wasn't lemon gatorade
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you had me at cake vodka
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
