where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
4 words: hood of his car
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
