I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can text with my tongue
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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