eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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