Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
