i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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