I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
