My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize