Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
