ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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