Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
