what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
