whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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