Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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