I think I won the penis lottery.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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