I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I will die if light touches me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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