We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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