I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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