then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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