He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
