Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
