well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
