Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
