mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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