Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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