I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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