if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
