Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You can't just leave with hair like that
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
