this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
