i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Green mimosas i think yes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
